Driving record
Monday, March 31, 2008
♥
-10:25 PM
the bit and pieces of information that i've been gathering around really just tells me what is the kind of things that i've been missing out.
you know,thinking back i really really think i am really childish.Forging an freaking mc so i could spend more time with lydia?
so that i could get away with it just so that i can really be with lydia?
that is one childish jj for you.
a childish person creating a childish act that landed me in 7 months of exile.
I thought i could be the one for you.
I thought i would really just settle down and be with you for as long as i can.
But what have i done?taking short-cuts turning ends just spend a momentarily happiness that didnt even last.?
hey,when we started having feelings for each other,the feelings is seriously overwhelming and the feeing of just you still keep me lingering in tears even now as i am blogging.
all i wanted to do was just to ignore everything else on this earth to ourselves.i know you want it too.But little did i think that i totaly ignored the fact that by doing that,i would get myself into more hot soup and hence the absence of me for 7 months.
Its not only you you know.
Been keeping this stuffs to myself since i had this really really shitty experience worrying for two of the closest people in my life.
They are the light of my life;being there when i am down;always always thinking the best for me.
At the point when i found you,the first few people that i announced to it them and they are really the angels of my life feeling really really happy for me.
As in seriously.
Even though i have justin as my bestfriend,but he will never be caring enough and loving enough to take the place of you two.
And right here at this moment,i am here worrying for you two because of a case which you two carelessly rolled yourselves in.
Even though i am utterly disappointed with you two because i told you two before never ever do that without me because no one can be trusted cep us because i dont treat you two as friends.You two made jj who he is and i cannot bite the hand who made me.
But nevermind,what done is done and it cannot be undone.
Its okay,so i really try my best to make time for you two whenever you two held meetings on what to say and cracking my brain on how to answer the questions they will shoot you.
the feeling of not being inside this situation make me wish that i didnt skipped school those 3 days even though they are part of the best days of my life spending 23/3 hours with lydia.
But still i wanna be part of this than at least i no need to stand from this angle and worry for you two.
This few days is hell for me believe me.
been asking everyone where the hell are you casey ng and you had been drinking your kidney out just to escape from the problem.Please take my words in heart because i am really really trying my best to assure you that its all gonna be alright and when things are finally showing some hope,gervais you dickhead went to spill out the beans.
And here i am again looking at you getting lost and helpless.
If i can take your place for you,i would.
I really will.
Sometimes just a word from you that telling me that you are okay is gonna turn my sleepless nights into deep slumbers.
This helplessness.someone please help me.
And on top of all this events,it made me feel how freaking retarded i was making all the crap that i am not suppose to make.
The probation is one.
The always being late before the curfew is another.
i always remember on a saturday night,when everyone is enjoying themselves including me,someone who really cares about me like greg,casey,zad,marcus,alex,ken,kw and more would come up to me and ask me to go home.its not because they dont enjoy my company or couldnt use a talent slot for dota.Its because they are worried for me for breaching my curfew and never fail to nag me to go home.And the way i get so turn off with all that at the point of time,it just make me feel so childish now.John even ban me from going to his house because he is afraid that i will get caught on the way there.
Can you see the love among the circle of jj?
Even with the incessant nagging from angels and airwaves,i still choose to turn a deaf ear on them and i ended myself home late everyday making my probation officer scream and shout even though how nice she is as a elder.she is 63 for god's sake and she still needs to worry about me.Maybe that is the reason why no one ever trust that i have tuition.
This never ending fun just ended when i met lydia liao which turn my life into a picture which only compose of colours.
The first time i met you,you looked awesome.you behaved awesome.you made me so infatuated with you.
I was really deciding to marry you.
But than came along my normal self.
when i am with you,it feels like the best thing that is happening in my life and i try to preserve it.I am a human i am not god.i cannot change the things i dont like to my comfort.So,i did this.A futile attempt to just spend a full week with you.
no doubt i totally enjoyed myself getting chicken pok and the remaining recovering days with you,the price which i paid is really latinfying.
I lost 7 months of my life to a mundane place where i eat and sleep and terrorize people physically everyday.
Day and night i thought of you thinking how foolish i am to land myself in this soup.
This was only bit and pieces of thoughts that i was habouring inside.
Now,checking at your archives and some of my friends archives,
i cried.
i really did.
i could have been here for you.
you could have dote on my family with me by your side.
all the things that happened might not happened if i am here.
the sleepless nights.
the loneliness.
what have i done?
my friends.
how could i ever imagined to have caused such a major uproar in this little group.To think i was childish enough to think that this group will never change and we will have 40 people down in town all playing the same game talking about the same thing and things will stay the same forever.i'm just foolish enough just to think that it will be like that but the sad fact that i am not there to witness the breaking is even more hard to accept.
Am i suppose to have a group now?
a group which consist of 40 people almost everyday making my life as perfect as it would be w/o a gf?
i was single for almost 5 months and i didnt feel anything.nothing at all.Its because the fun is really covering up for everything.
everyday we had something to do.
what is it that i am lacking now?
maybe my lost of 7 months.
dont talk about turning back time because that is really not possible but if i can get the sense of what i was feeling 8 months ago,i would die a w/o any regrets.
The shit feeling that evryone will feel thinking how i am doing inside.the feeling of in a moment of days and they lost someone.its somehow familar with the feeling that i am feeling now ya?
what if something happen to casey and jia.
i will die.
i would drown myself in the sinful drops of barcadi.
hey people,
sorry for the shit i put you all through.
sorry for the shit i made you all worry as if its not your problems because you cared.
I think i not only owe you all this apology.
Baby.
i think i owe the most to you.
the days when you needed me,the days when you finally found someone who you know you will be with forever,i am really sorry for not being by your side for the past 7 months.
All i know is that during that point of time,1 day without me by your side is hell and that explains why we have the urge of meeting each other every single day of our lives.i feel the same way too.
the harmful fact that you were not even with me for more than a week and you can actually stay my house and lied to your mother makes me feel awfully gulity but the fact that i love you so much and the fact that i really enjoyed the night;the milo was made with love and care that is why it tasted so good.The look i have for you before and after i went in,the look that whenever i am doing something for you that is full of concentration and care;the look when at one glance,you know its for you.
all the little intricate things that i would have do,all shatter because i went in.
and checking your archives,no matter who hong wee is;no matter how hot and handsome he is,he wouldnt stand a chance against me because its us.Something so special that i dont think anyone will stand up to even if its brad pit which i adore.
the lonely fact that if i am with you,i wont let a single bit of our love escape to another guy.
the fact that now your love is being divided to god knows how many people,i just wish to turn back all that is left of this and head back into the part where we just started and preserve it which never did have the chance too.
what can i do now baby?
you know,thinking back i really really think i am really childish.Forging an freaking mc so i could spend more time with lydia?
so that i could get away with it just so that i can really be with lydia?
that is one childish jj for you.
a childish person creating a childish act that landed me in 7 months of exile.
I thought i could be the one for you.
I thought i would really just settle down and be with you for as long as i can.
But what have i done?taking short-cuts turning ends just spend a momentarily happiness that didnt even last.?
hey,when we started having feelings for each other,the feelings is seriously overwhelming and the feeing of just you still keep me lingering in tears even now as i am blogging.
all i wanted to do was just to ignore everything else on this earth to ourselves.i know you want it too.But little did i think that i totaly ignored the fact that by doing that,i would get myself into more hot soup and hence the absence of me for 7 months.
Its not only you you know.
Been keeping this stuffs to myself since i had this really really shitty experience worrying for two of the closest people in my life.
They are the light of my life;being there when i am down;always always thinking the best for me.
At the point when i found you,the first few people that i announced to it them and they are really the angels of my life feeling really really happy for me.
As in seriously.
Even though i have justin as my bestfriend,but he will never be caring enough and loving enough to take the place of you two.
And right here at this moment,i am here worrying for you two because of a case which you two carelessly rolled yourselves in.
Even though i am utterly disappointed with you two because i told you two before never ever do that without me because no one can be trusted cep us because i dont treat you two as friends.You two made jj who he is and i cannot bite the hand who made me.
But nevermind,what done is done and it cannot be undone.
Its okay,so i really try my best to make time for you two whenever you two held meetings on what to say and cracking my brain on how to answer the questions they will shoot you.
the feeling of not being inside this situation make me wish that i didnt skipped school those 3 days even though they are part of the best days of my life spending 23/3 hours with lydia.
But still i wanna be part of this than at least i no need to stand from this angle and worry for you two.
This few days is hell for me believe me.
been asking everyone where the hell are you casey ng and you had been drinking your kidney out just to escape from the problem.Please take my words in heart because i am really really trying my best to assure you that its all gonna be alright and when things are finally showing some hope,gervais you dickhead went to spill out the beans.
And here i am again looking at you getting lost and helpless.
If i can take your place for you,i would.
I really will.
Sometimes just a word from you that telling me that you are okay is gonna turn my sleepless nights into deep slumbers.
This helplessness.someone please help me.
And on top of all this events,it made me feel how freaking retarded i was making all the crap that i am not suppose to make.
The probation is one.
The always being late before the curfew is another.
i always remember on a saturday night,when everyone is enjoying themselves including me,someone who really cares about me like greg,casey,zad,marcus,alex,ken,kw and more would come up to me and ask me to go home.its not because they dont enjoy my company or couldnt use a talent slot for dota.Its because they are worried for me for breaching my curfew and never fail to nag me to go home.And the way i get so turn off with all that at the point of time,it just make me feel so childish now.John even ban me from going to his house because he is afraid that i will get caught on the way there.
Can you see the love among the circle of jj?
Even with the incessant nagging from angels and airwaves,i still choose to turn a deaf ear on them and i ended myself home late everyday making my probation officer scream and shout even though how nice she is as a elder.she is 63 for god's sake and she still needs to worry about me.Maybe that is the reason why no one ever trust that i have tuition.
This never ending fun just ended when i met lydia liao which turn my life into a picture which only compose of colours.
The first time i met you,you looked awesome.you behaved awesome.you made me so infatuated with you.
I was really deciding to marry you.
But than came along my normal self.
when i am with you,it feels like the best thing that is happening in my life and i try to preserve it.I am a human i am not god.i cannot change the things i dont like to my comfort.So,i did this.A futile attempt to just spend a full week with you.
no doubt i totally enjoyed myself getting chicken pok and the remaining recovering days with you,the price which i paid is really latinfying.
I lost 7 months of my life to a mundane place where i eat and sleep and terrorize people physically everyday.
Day and night i thought of you thinking how foolish i am to land myself in this soup.
This was only bit and pieces of thoughts that i was habouring inside.
Now,checking at your archives and some of my friends archives,
i cried.
i really did.
i could have been here for you.
you could have dote on my family with me by your side.
all the things that happened might not happened if i am here.
the sleepless nights.
the loneliness.
what have i done?
my friends.
how could i ever imagined to have caused such a major uproar in this little group.To think i was childish enough to think that this group will never change and we will have 40 people down in town all playing the same game talking about the same thing and things will stay the same forever.i'm just foolish enough just to think that it will be like that but the sad fact that i am not there to witness the breaking is even more hard to accept.
Am i suppose to have a group now?
a group which consist of 40 people almost everyday making my life as perfect as it would be w/o a gf?
i was single for almost 5 months and i didnt feel anything.nothing at all.Its because the fun is really covering up for everything.
everyday we had something to do.
what is it that i am lacking now?
maybe my lost of 7 months.
dont talk about turning back time because that is really not possible but if i can get the sense of what i was feeling 8 months ago,i would die a w/o any regrets.
The shit feeling that evryone will feel thinking how i am doing inside.the feeling of in a moment of days and they lost someone.its somehow familar with the feeling that i am feeling now ya?
what if something happen to casey and jia.
i will die.
i would drown myself in the sinful drops of barcadi.
hey people,
sorry for the shit i put you all through.
sorry for the shit i made you all worry as if its not your problems because you cared.
I think i not only owe you all this apology.
Baby.
i think i owe the most to you.
the days when you needed me,the days when you finally found someone who you know you will be with forever,i am really sorry for not being by your side for the past 7 months.
All i know is that during that point of time,1 day without me by your side is hell and that explains why we have the urge of meeting each other every single day of our lives.i feel the same way too.
the harmful fact that you were not even with me for more than a week and you can actually stay my house and lied to your mother makes me feel awfully gulity but the fact that i love you so much and the fact that i really enjoyed the night;the milo was made with love and care that is why it tasted so good.The look i have for you before and after i went in,the look that whenever i am doing something for you that is full of concentration and care;the look when at one glance,you know its for you.
all the little intricate things that i would have do,all shatter because i went in.
and checking your archives,no matter who hong wee is;no matter how hot and handsome he is,he wouldnt stand a chance against me because its us.Something so special that i dont think anyone will stand up to even if its brad pit which i adore.
the lonely fact that if i am with you,i wont let a single bit of our love escape to another guy.
the fact that now your love is being divided to god knows how many people,i just wish to turn back all that is left of this and head back into the part where we just started and preserve it which never did have the chance too.
what can i do now baby?
i will hug you.
XOXO
Sad/happy/angry/me?
Sad/happy/angry/me?