Driving record
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
♥
-5:03 PM
How do i start?
I had the sudden urge to blog today while i was on the way home on the bus 136.
it had not been a really fun week because i was so caught with things that i think
A WASTE OF TIME.
JASPER TAN XI DA is a buddy to me.Before i went in,the last friend that i saw
was him because he was being nice by accompanying me in A.M.K to search for
baby girl sometime 9 months ago.It was a touching scene to see baby after a
long search and with tears rolling in her eyes,i told myself i think i've found it.
Finally after so long,someone who i actually dare to say i would do my utmost
best to keep her.
I realised that the whole 17 years of my life,i've been living in a world where
i have to lie my way around,fake a smile and grit my teeths went the truth
come smashing into my face.The labels that are surrounding my life just keep
spiraling in a endless attempt just to devour me.
The complexity of life,now i realised how foolish i was.Does it mean that if i am
from acs,i have to wear branded?
Do i have to live a life of extravagant letting others know woah,JJ is rich.
on and on life just spring out with the cruel fact that its hard being like that,
the joy of simplicity,the joy of saving and getting a whole sense of desire of
being simple just tells it all.
I realised that i am indeed a simple person & i enjoy simplicity.
The little little things that i do for lydia,i am very sure she would be happy.
Walking around pasah malam buying her the few little cartooned night gown,
eating cheena food at a food court,catching a movie after tons and tons of
boredom lessons and lectures.
Simplicity is the best.
I finally know the reason why i am so smitten with her.
The feeling of being simple,the little things that she do like buying a little
heart-shaped sweet from no where,the lest complicated mind of hers
where deception is futile.
I realised that whenever deception come into my life,any relationship
that i have will not last because trust is the most important trait in life.
without trust,true love cannot last.
That is why i refuse to lie to her.Even small little things,i dont even want to
try because i know i dont want this happiness to end,i want to devote
my life into taking care of this girl.
Times when i do,i am doing something to make her happy so that is not a habit.
=)
A really really lousy week because i'm not getting 100% of my baby girl's love
the reason i dont know why,maybe shes tired,maybe shes not feeling so good.
Its easy to see if you're trying something different.I am an expert when it comes to this.
started the day off with the utmost feeling to revive the dead feeling that i've lost through
7 months of exile.
Its jasper tan's birthday and i wanna do something for him like how i did it in exactly 1 year ago.
plan a surprise cake party and wanted the same for tommrrow.
The usual people the J group was on about it so took note of the timings and plan everything.
But the kind of shit that i am getting from the person i lest expect from is devastating.
The awesome mood was pretty much revived when i was planning and thinking but it was
easily dampen by someone who held such a powerful place in my heart.
The knowledge that i am trying my very best to savage this rubbish but the cruel and dumb fact that you dont even dare to try just kills me inside.
I just came to the conclusion that i should just hack it.
since it has evolved into this stage,i dont really feel like savaging it anymore.
Same for that thing.
The extreme effort of trying to gain back your attention,the effort of making time in
most awkward hours in the night,the unease mind of worrying and panicking.
Still nothing is the same.
I kinda of given up.
Maybe all that that happened really have a heavy toll.
I wrote on my friendster once that i would want to meet all my friends again and see if i would get along with them.But i realised that if i have a choice,i will never type that again.
I hate the feeling of losing someone.
Now that i lost it,helplessness is crawling all over me.
-
Followed jia to kovan to meet ven & took bus 136 home.
i think i am starting to really enjoy the simple and peaceful life.
the route of 136 is just too appeacing,now i realised how come baby
enjoy the trip.
Thats good thats good! thats means i will enjoy even more sending baby home=)=)
-
That is the end of my day,right now i need to emphasize something.
Maybe i dont need to try so hard for anything.Because if they like me before,
i just need to be myself instead of trying so hard to gain back what is lost.
Everything will just turn out fine like the way it use to be.
it might not be the same but it definetely will be better.I am sure of it.
Right now,i just wanna cherish lydia,my family and do well in my o's
everything elses,i'll leave it to god.
I had the sudden urge to blog today while i was on the way home on the bus 136.
it had not been a really fun week because i was so caught with things that i think
A WASTE OF TIME.
JASPER TAN XI DA is a buddy to me.Before i went in,the last friend that i saw
was him because he was being nice by accompanying me in A.M.K to search for
baby girl sometime 9 months ago.It was a touching scene to see baby after a
long search and with tears rolling in her eyes,i told myself i think i've found it.
Finally after so long,someone who i actually dare to say i would do my utmost
best to keep her.
I realised that the whole 17 years of my life,i've been living in a world where
i have to lie my way around,fake a smile and grit my teeths went the truth
come smashing into my face.The labels that are surrounding my life just keep
spiraling in a endless attempt just to devour me.
The complexity of life,now i realised how foolish i was.Does it mean that if i am
from acs,i have to wear branded?
Do i have to live a life of extravagant letting others know woah,JJ is rich.
on and on life just spring out with the cruel fact that its hard being like that,
the joy of simplicity,the joy of saving and getting a whole sense of desire of
being simple just tells it all.
I realised that i am indeed a simple person & i enjoy simplicity.
The little little things that i do for lydia,i am very sure she would be happy.
Walking around pasah malam buying her the few little cartooned night gown,
eating cheena food at a food court,catching a movie after tons and tons of
boredom lessons and lectures.
Simplicity is the best.
I finally know the reason why i am so smitten with her.
The feeling of being simple,the little things that she do like buying a little
heart-shaped sweet from no where,the lest complicated mind of hers
where deception is futile.
I realised that whenever deception come into my life,any relationship
that i have will not last because trust is the most important trait in life.
without trust,true love cannot last.
That is why i refuse to lie to her.Even small little things,i dont even want to
try because i know i dont want this happiness to end,i want to devote
my life into taking care of this girl.
Times when i do,i am doing something to make her happy so that is not a habit.
=)
A really really lousy week because i'm not getting 100% of my baby girl's love
the reason i dont know why,maybe shes tired,maybe shes not feeling so good.
Its easy to see if you're trying something different.I am an expert when it comes to this.
started the day off with the utmost feeling to revive the dead feeling that i've lost through
7 months of exile.
Its jasper tan's birthday and i wanna do something for him like how i did it in exactly 1 year ago.
plan a surprise cake party and wanted the same for tommrrow.
The usual people the J group was on about it so took note of the timings and plan everything.
But the kind of shit that i am getting from the person i lest expect from is devastating.
The awesome mood was pretty much revived when i was planning and thinking but it was
easily dampen by someone who held such a powerful place in my heart.
The knowledge that i am trying my very best to savage this rubbish but the cruel and dumb fact that you dont even dare to try just kills me inside.
I just came to the conclusion that i should just hack it.
since it has evolved into this stage,i dont really feel like savaging it anymore.
Same for that thing.
The extreme effort of trying to gain back your attention,the effort of making time in
most awkward hours in the night,the unease mind of worrying and panicking.
Still nothing is the same.
I kinda of given up.
Maybe all that that happened really have a heavy toll.
I wrote on my friendster once that i would want to meet all my friends again and see if i would get along with them.But i realised that if i have a choice,i will never type that again.
I hate the feeling of losing someone.
Now that i lost it,helplessness is crawling all over me.
-
Followed jia to kovan to meet ven & took bus 136 home.
i think i am starting to really enjoy the simple and peaceful life.
the route of 136 is just too appeacing,now i realised how come baby
enjoy the trip.
Thats good thats good! thats means i will enjoy even more sending baby home=)=)
-
That is the end of my day,right now i need to emphasize something.
Maybe i dont need to try so hard for anything.Because if they like me before,
i just need to be myself instead of trying so hard to gain back what is lost.
Everything will just turn out fine like the way it use to be.
it might not be the same but it definetely will be better.I am sure of it.
Right now,i just wanna cherish lydia,my family and do well in my o's
everything elses,i'll leave it to god.
XOXO
Sad/happy/angry/me?
Sad/happy/angry/me?